Saturday Satire

Indiana Announces New Testing Program

Indiana Education officicals have announced a new standardized testing program that will go farther than any previous testing efforts in an attempt to hold schools accountable for student learning.

The testing efforts will begin before the student's birth and end with college graduation.

State Testing Director, I.M. NumBr Krunchr explained, "This is revolutionary! We will be testing parents before they are permitted to have children. They must pass a standardized parent test that will be used to predict their child's future success in school. This way we will be able to ensure that children are getting an optimum chance at success in school. There is no secret that certain parenting behaviors give students a better chance. We have correlated those behaviors to school success and created test questions that identify those core parenting values. Now the government will simply not allow those parents to birth children unless they can get a certain score."

Critics of the new program have accused the state of "draconian measures" to which I.M. Numbr Krunchr replied, "Hogwash, the business community is worried that we will fall behind China and they already limit parents to one child per couple. It's a global world now. We might as well go a step further."

The new test, which will be an on-line version using technology will be titled, "Indiana Statewide Test for Education and Pupil Proficiency Emphasizing Diplomas IN Instructional Technology (I. S.T.E.P.P.E.D IN I.T.)