Friday Funnies

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an scope, he asked, Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here? The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there? Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, Do you think I'll hear Barney in there? Oh, no! the little girl replied. Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants.

I teach various high school math subjects. This particular morning, I had my Geometry class discussing ways to prove triangles congruent. There was a student on the front row who was struggling with the topic. He decided that he had had enough geometry for the day and put his head down on the desk. I asked him to sit up and pay attention.
He lifts his head and proceeds to lash out about how stupid math is, how math is boring is, how he will never use this after high school, etc. Then he looks at me and says, "No one will ever use this stuff. Do you use math in your job?"
There was a second of silence, then a student in the back called out,"He's a math teacher, you idiot!" After the laughter died down, we managed to get back to the triangles, but the young man in the front didn't say much the rest of the class.

This one I found from a UK teacher website:

An elementary private school teacher was putting on the annual Nativity scene with her class and unfortunately poor Virgin Mary went off sick on the day of the drama performance. Another child offered immediately to take her place.
She went on stage and looked down at baby Jesus in the manger.
This aspiring young actress then ad libbed in a real north east accent:
" Ken 'is, he's richt lik' ees dad!"

Have a great weekend!